Snapshots

‘Sitting on the bus, my mind wanders off and then suddenly, I am surprised to realize where I am (in this double-decker bus?): ‘I am in London!’ I say to myself, full of surprise, ‘of course you are’, I reply, equally surprised. I smile with my momentary confusion and then I wonder: awareness of the interior, lack of connection with the exterior, realization and distancing; processes that for a minute do not matter as ‘I’ could be anywhere and, like waking up from a dream, I had to look around and reconnect, identify with. And then it strikes me how often I experience this, and often, I need to re-place myself, I find it difficult to identify and define the inside in relation to the outside (or is it the outside in relation to the inside?). The familiar does suddenly become unfamiliar. I notice the colours; I look around like I can see for the first time, trying to fit myself in the picture, to place myself in the map. I often do that; I imagine the world map and then from above mark my position on it. I am not sure what makes me do that but I compelled to do it. Zoom out and then zoom in, all the way to the point where I stand. To locate myself, I suppose, only for a moment however, before I zoom out again. Does it matter? I suppose it does...Snapshots of my life. Before I miss my stop, I push the red button. I am in the streets of London again; I am walking home’ (Diary Entry, November 2008).